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  • Posted by  
    October 24, 2012

    Aries: Tomorrow, you will murder one hipster.Your lucky letter is Q.

    Taurus: In two weeks, you will wake up in a cocoon, and then, after a 24 hour incubation period, you will emerge as an elderly black woman who has to take the bus to work for a white family she despises. Unless of course you already are an elderly black woman who hates her white family/boss. In that case, you will emerge from your cocoon looking much the same as before, except older, angrier, and blacker. Steer clear of seafood.

    Gemini: People have a hard time liking you. This trend will continue indefinitely.